These words seem so simple and yet nothing about embracing or accepting my body has ever been easy for me, and I know I’m not alone in this. It has been almost a year since I last wrote and although I started composing a post about the reasons for the radio silence a few weeks ago, it no longer feels as important to share them. In a nutshell 2013 was was a financial, physical and emotional rollercoaster that sucker-punched me every which way possible. My self-confidence and resilient spirit took a serious battering and in the end I succumbed to my old demons and fell into a
When I was willing to let go of what I wanted, I received what was truly mine.” Anita Mooranji
I’ve heard many teachers and gurus say words to the effect that it is through our struggle where we will find peace, that there is a gift in the challenge if we can only find it. A month or so ago I would have sneered at this idea and probably labelled it as mumbo jumbo new age rubbish. Yet in such a short space of time I truly believe there is beauty in the struggle, in a way I couldn’t have understood without going through it directly.
Love is the oxygen of the Soul.” – Tony Robbins
I’ve been really struggling lately, bingeing more and more, slipping back into old destructive habits and thoughts, and as a result I have avoided writing on my blog, because quite honestly I feel like a failure. Then I realised something, if I don’t share all parts of me, of my struggles and successes in equal measure, how can I help to inspire others to change? If I can show it is possible to come out of a pattern of self hate and negativity, then maybe my experience won’t be for nothing.
Courage is to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” – Brené Brown
Sometimes life asks a lot more than what you think you have to give, and so far it has demanded courage. I wouldn’t have got through these past few months without courage, but acknowledging it as my word for 2013 has kept me focused. I know I’m a strong person but embracing courage has given me a quiet kind of strength to keep going when I didn’t think I could, it’s courage that comes from within, rather than me using the strength of others to pull me through.
I have spent the last two month’s procrastinating and not writing this post about meeting my personal hero, Brené Brown. Oh the irony of wanting to write a post ‘perfectly’ about this amazing women who has helped me to embrace my imperfections. Clearly I still have work to do! So today I am going to finish this if it’s the last thing I do, I am embracing my lack of perfection, whilst realising I’m not the only one to have ever felt this way. So I apologise if it’s not my best writing, or a bit jumbled, but if I don’t get out of this perfectionist cycle, it will never happen.
I’m feeling pulled in a hundred different directions in my life right now and my blog has been neglected as a result with lots going on and not enough hours in the day. So here are a few of the self portraits I’ve been taking from the Digging Deeper course I’m taking. As ever self portraiture is unbelievably revealing and therapeutic for me, and what my photos show to me is that I need to really make peace with my body and myself, and be compassionate to myself during times of loss and great change.